gestures and phrases
This is a bunch of phrases and gestures and generally stupid random made up things myself and a few select friends will only know. It's almost impossible to describe them as you have to have been there at the time to understand or even find remotely funny. But I have put them on here because they make me chuckle still. Don't know why, they just do. Live with it.
Right hand, sign of trust: People generally shake hands with their right, thus is is considered a trustworthy thing to shake with your right hand.
Left hand, sign of Oh my god is that a knife?!?: To follow the previous, if to shake with the right hand is trustworthy, to shake with the left must not. When performing this gesture, pull your hand away suddenly in fear... as in a "Oh my god is that a knife?!?!" kind of way.
Third hand, sign of impossibility: People don't usually have three hands, which means this gesture kind of speaks for itself. Go first to shake with the left, look confused, then go for the left, become more confused and then attempt to shake with your third hand. Thus, the impossibility!
Right hand, sign of THE: I have no idea how this came about, but what you do is go to shake with your right hand, and then pull away to one side and elongate the "THE" all the while that your armage is in swinging motion.
Cross referencing: Make your arms into an "X", and pull them away a couple of times. Repeat as necessary.
Slight reference: Hold your arms out horizontally in front of you. Do the "It's a kinda magic" thing - as if you are trying to levitate something towards you.
Huuuuuuuuuuuuuge!: Hold your arms wide apart, and move them further apart to show the vastly hugeness of whatever it is that you are saying Huuuuuuge about.
Hash browns: Make the shape of a hash brown with your fingers.
Insanity: Do something mad.
Uh, freakazoid!: Go to shake someone's hand, but at the last second, pull away and shout "Uh, Freakazoid!!". Don't ask me why.
Playful dear: It's a hairstyle. Flat on top, stuck up at the front, but curling over slightly at the front. Hold your hand up to your forehead in this way to show what you mean.
Horny antelope: Another hairstyle. Looks a bit like a ski-jump. Flat on top, stuck up at the front but no curlage. Hold your hand up to your forehead the same as "playful dear" but instead of bending your fingers forwards, have them pointing backwards.
Schizophrenia: Shake with both hands at once.
Fish in the sea: Make a swimming fish motion with your hand in front of you.
It's a set figure: Hold hands out in front of yourself about 30cm apart as if showing length whilst saying this phraseage.
It's square number: Draw a square in the air to show this one.
It's a cube number: Show a cube with your hands in mid-air.
It's a square root: Draw a square root sign in mid-air.
Flid!!!: Make as if your arms are coming out of your elbows or something equally obscure.
Snake in the grass: Same as fish in the sea, but with more elongated movements.
D'oh!: Same as Homer J. Simpson would!
Phil - sign of human dustbin: Just point at me. I know I eat a lot, but I have no idea where it all goes!
Touch of geeeeeeeeeeeeenius: Press your index finger against your forehead whilst saying this phraseage
Bit off centre: As above, but left or right of the central point of your forehead.
'Twas my foot: Make as if you have a 12 inch penis, by holding your hand about a foot away from your groinal area. More amusing when done by the ladiez.
Turtle in the grass: Bit like fish in the sea and snake on the grass, but with bobbing instead of slithering or swimming.
Bird on a perch: Hold one arm horizontal like a branch, put the other as if perhced upon the horizontal one.
Turtle in a tree: Bit like bird on a perch, but shorter.
Squirrel in the grass: Fast bobbing. A bit like turtle in the grass but faster and bouncier.
Patting geese: this is to show a sign of campness. Show your weak wrists by pretending that you're in the park patting geese's heads.
Patting ostrich: Tall camp person. Like above but hold your wrist higher when patting.
Patting giraffe: Really big, tall camp person. Like above, but again higher.
I had a marrow... but I dropped it: Reall camp person, really weak wrists. Imagine you have a marrow in one hand but your wrist slips and you drop it. Thus the gesture is formed.
I had two marrows... but I dropped them both: As above but akimbo.
Emma's gate: I had a friend who's name was Emma, she had a garden gate, which swung both ways. You can see where this is heading... Emma's gate denote the sexual preference of being Bisexual.
Under the covered walkway: Wave your hand above your head to denote a roofage.
By the gate: Swing your arm to denot a gate.
'Twas the mean scary man at the window: No gesture, just say it in an amusing way.
'Twas the one armed man: As above.
Guess who spoke to me last night?: Jesus did. I have no idea where this came from either. I think I was drunk at the time. Just nod and agree. It still makes Russ laugh. We must have been really drunk at the time.
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