a multitude of things i sometimes wonder greatly about

things to think about

blags my head.

why is the sea green, when water isn't any colour? why isn't the sky green as well? air has no colour either, so who chose blue for sky and green for sea.

and why did grass have to be green? is it because we have more blue receptors in our eyes than red and yellow ones?

why is it that when someone mentions brown, i imediately think turd, and not any other equally brown thing?

does that constitute racism? am i racist against poo, but don't mind anything else brown?

why is it that sometimes when i eat sugar puffs, if i take a piss an hour or two later, i can smell sugar puffs while im pissing?

surely i couldn't imagine that. how come when you have a bowl of sugar puffs, i always want another bowlful, even when there aren't any more left?

do they put addictive substances in them, so evetually you can't get through a day without a least a couple of spoonfulls of them?

how can governments allow this to continue, but they quite happily stop dangerous drugs like ecstacy? what about the sugar puffaholics?

what will become of them? why do you put stuff on your plants called peat? did they grind him up to make it? did they ask his permission?

or is he the plants friend, just dropping in for a hello, hows your father? peat, friend of plants. hmmm.

so why is it that when you fart you always want to smell how bad it is? even though you know it's going to be vintage, you always have to check if it does.

weird.

that's like when people sneeze and inspect their bogies. i for one think that it's a good idea, cos you never know what you'll find in there.

it's like my mum always says when you cough; "cough it up, might be a golden watch!".

i mean come on, why would i swallow a gold watch? and if i did, i think i might be a little more on the choking side of things and not the coughing if i had done.

hm. don't mum's say weird things? like "if you fall from there and break your legs, don't come running to me"?

eh? it's not really like i could. but then, if i did go running home to her, saying that i'd broken my leg,

i know she wouldn't believe me, so why did she say it in the first place? sounds a little cheeky to me. that's like me saying to someone, "i'm not going to believe you whatever you say to me, even if it's the truth and you have full and undeniable proof, even if it means saving your life. so go and do it anyway, so i can be right. even if i'm wrong. and let that be a lesson to you!".

if bread always lands butter side up, how do cats always manage to land on their feet? when someone said "lets go to the moon", and got taken seriously, everyone in the room much have been smashed. that doesn't say much for scientists does it? damn stoners. :0)

so if scientists are all stoners, wouldn't that explain most of the weird shit they decide to study?

like adding human ears to the side of a mouse? and cloning sheep? i mean what the fuck??

like sayings that blag your head. i mean why? stop confusing the already-confused-with-life confused people.

give them a break. like when you get "if a trees falls in the forest and you're not there to hear it, does it make a sound?".

what if i wasn't there to hear it, but a friend of yours was.

does that mean your friend didn't really hear it? does that mean your friend is a lying, twisted, evil, arsehole?

or possibly just that trees make a noise wherever they fall, even if there is noone there to listen except the other trees.

and who's going to be daft enough to call a tree a liar? who'd look stupid then? think about it.

and anyway, who decided what things should sound like? did someone get employed to make noises for noise?

i think if i'd been employed to do that, i might have picked better than they did. i'd have more amusing noises.

like farting and burping. they're funny noises. we need more of them.

then the world would be a better place, because more people would be laughing, and less people would be sad.

there, i just fixed everyone's problems. all we need to do is figure out how to rewrite nature's sounds. this could be difficult.

why are so many things difficult? if things were made easier would you get bored quicker?

and if you got bored quicker, would that mean people would think of new things quicker?

so in actual fact, the progression of mankind would in fact accelerate. i like your thinking mister watson. clever deduction.

how come lots of words that rhyme with seduction are bad? like deduction, obstruction, reconstruction, caution and reduction.

although there are some good words that rhyme with it, like suction and dilection. :0)

right, this really bugs me.

why are all the good things in life usually things you can't have or keep? that blows goats.

how come people get scared to fly in a plane even though it's more dangerous in a car? weird. who makes words up? did someone get that job as well?

legends. more power to word-making people. without you, this would be an even bigger pile of complete bollocks than it already is.

how did other languages happen? was it a fashion thing? isn't fashion weird?

they show you a bunch of really skinny size 6 bird wearing hardly any clothes that would have been more at home in an ethiopian albino nativity play,

but yet all the *really* gorgeous people on the planet might never get seen.

how annoying is that? and what about dancers and people that ride horses? hmmmm, strong thighs.

why do people say that if you wank too much, you'll go blind or get hairy palms?

i've not had any degredation to my eyesight. neither do i have hairy palms.

that's like saying "don't do that really natural thing, and enjoy yourself doing it, because something completely explicably random will happend to you.".

like if you were to shit screws, puke fire, and piss mustard for watching porn.

you see. not happening. and believe me i tried so hard.

but porn just doesn't do that to you. :0)

my friend said to me, "how come when you spell morrow backwards and turn it upside down, why does it spell morrow again instead of yesterday?"

i couldn't agree more. aren't palindromes weird?

why doesn't the word palidrome read the same backwords?

that's nearly as stupid as abbreviation being an exceedingly unneccessarily pointlessly long word. you see?

"A man, a plan, a canal, Panama" that's a palidrome i just found checking to see if what i thought a palindrome was what i thought it was, and it is.

isn't it weird how i knew what it was, but don't ever remember where i learnt what that means?

weird. that blags my head, it's like i know something, and i'm quite sure i'm right.

but i have no clue how, why, or since when i know this.

and if there is a reason i know this completely random thing, why didn't i know what the reason was?

this leads me to think that i have a large part of memory that doesn't function correctly.

but then everyone gets that problem. so that must mean that either those things we don't remember are totally useless,

or that the human brain is innately faulty? does that mean our brains are like windows?

written by some big corporation, making a shit load of money off it, but aren't particularly arsed if it works properly at time of deployment.

that boils my piss.

so what i guess i'm looking for in this case is the correct patch to sort out my memory leak.

or maybe that's just bollocks as well. i think so.

who thought of singing?

think about it, it's the best memory switch ever.

make words sound memorable and you will remember them.

weird.

if you were given the same words on a piece of paper, you'd never learn them as well.

weird.

isn't it weird how you can store hundred and hundreds of songs worth of lyrics in your mind and be able to at least fill in half the words to a song as it plays without even thinking twice?

like supercalafradgilisticexpialidocious. i don't think i spelt it right, but isn't it weird how most people would know this word as well?

supercalafradgilisticexpialidocious. that is how google spells it.

isn't thi internet incredible? if i don't know something or need to learn anything about anything at a few minutes notice i can access shit loads of data about it,

and almost as quickly as instantly find out if something is what you think it is.

isn't it weird how you can write a lot about nothing, but not always so easily write the same about a lot. or in fact anything at all.

why do the most stupid pointless things blag people's heads? if one little thing changes one day about something that hasn't changed in a long time,

you have absolutely no idea all of a sudden either:

1./ what it actually is now, or

2./ where it went.

how come when you need something desperately you can never find it, but when it's not important you can't get rid of it?

if there is a god, or such things as ghosts or aliens or whatever, do you think they do stuff like that to play with us, because we're too stupid to figure out it's them doing it?

why does thinking that make it seem even more blagging? like why would they even bother doing that, why not just blow us all up?

i mean shit, what if they read this and then actually did do that? that would be amusing. for the next planet with intelligent life,

they'd all be like "hey don't think, it causes aliens to get pissed off anf destroy you.".

but doesn't that make you think that if you thought quicker you could beat them to it, and blow them up instead?

but i mean, why would you want to do that? that's probably why we're still here.

someone incredibly sympathetic has decided to spare us so he can have some form of laughter injected into his otherwise collosally dull existence,

circling the cosmos looking for intelligent life.

what if the milky way is actually a space ship, and all the other galaxies are too, but we're just out of radio contact with them,

and we're lost trying to travel to somewhere to live together as one large colony of intergalactic bastards. that would be sweet.

but i guess that's kind of stupid, cos if our radios are actually broken, then how the hell do you fix a intergalactic tranmission device?

and why can't we find that information on the internet?

hold on. i'll just check that. funny. if you type "how do you fix a galactic transmission device" into google, with the quotes around it, you get no results.

that means noone has asked that question, or even attempted to answer it anywhere on this planet.

hold on, i wonder if jeeves knows. nope. jeeves doesn't know either.

ah well. isn't it weird how when you start thinking about what to write next, you can't think of anything.

then when you ask yourself why you can't think of anything you just start writing again, asking why you can't think of anything to write about.

so writing about nothing makes you write about something.

but why is that? so is the glass half empty or half full?

what really is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?

i figure an optimist is someone who take something and make it into something better,

and a pessisimist is someone who takes something and makes less out of it.

so, by saying that, i am actually saying that all artists are optimists.

but thats obviously not the case, so that must mean, an optimist is someone who takes something and makes it better,

while an pessimist is someone who takes something, loses it, and makes the nothing thats left over seem like something even better.

if you go to http://www.icantbebothered.com theres nothing there. genius. so they can both get exactly the same out of it, but they went the opposite way round.

that's like the optimist taking the motorway in a f1 racing car, but the pessimist insisting on doing the winding country roads on a tricycle.

the tortoise and the hare so to speak.

isn't life weird? it feels like no matter how weird something is, it can only seem even more obscure when you start to think about it properly.

it gets even weirder when you try to figure out why that is.

think about it.