A child's insight into the making of plants. Written by a non-child person.

how plants is made

Today i am going to tell you all about plants making other plants.
It happens when the german nation comes for tea;
It all starts at the top when an old pop group called the stamen sing ebeneezer goode
Then, the stamen stains the stigma with it's own form of seamen (which catch fish)
and are called pollen (which they put in polish I think);

The stigma doesn't like it though,
and it always flushes it down the toilet into a carpel;
And my mummy's always complaining about stains on her carpels
But Mrs. Cook says the carpel is all the ladies private bits;
Like the sign on the door in McDonald's that says 'Private: Staff Only'
But i bet they don't have carpels on the floor like my mum.

In the tummy of the plant (which my mummy calls the woom),
The baby christanthenenemums grow bigger and bigger;
Mummy says daddy grows bigger and bigger when he wants to grow baby plants,
she says that she has great big er-roger's noses zones
And they tingle in the breeze
Like petals to attract the bees

Mummy says petals are important cos they make body chemistry (like biology at my school)
Fizz like cola which is tasty but mum likes pollen better,
Like the stuff from dad's filaments like in light bulbs.
They always blow up when you play with them she says.

I said that would be no use cos then you would be in the dark,
Mummy says that's okay cos it will be saving energy,
Which is greener for the earth:
Cos it hasn't been cleaned for ages, like the bathroom and it gets mouldy.
Mould is bad for you and it makes you sicky,

Mummy says that daddy is mouldy, and we never ever needed a bundle of joy,
But daddy says that they were consuninimating their relations:-
But i don't understand what gramma and grandad have got to do with it.

Mummy said to dad that she wishes she had worn jonny,
But he is fat, and she could never have picked him up and put him on her shoulders;
That is bad luck cos mummy says that daddy's friend william is jonny best friend
Now that i have been born anyway, but they never used to talk before.

Daddy says that i came with a stork and Mummy says i landed in a cabbage patch,
But the nearest cabbage patch is on bigby road,
which means that i would probably gotten new-moaninger-
Which means complaining a lot;
And i don't like the taste of stork, cheese spread is much tastier.

So that is how plants are made:
From having six with themselves,
That means i am old enough cos i am seven.